A troubled young man sent in a question about his pregnant girl friend and seeks for help. Here is the brilliant reply he got from Andre…………..
”My daughter just turned 20. I had a boyfriend who thought like you. He wrote me a letter when I was four months pregnant (before cell phones) to let me know that he wasn’t prepared to be a parent, and that this wasn’t how he envisoned it should happen. This was after I let him know that I had had an abortion previously and would never consider that again as an option. He told me he would always be listed in the phone book and to only contact him in case of emergency.
My family was stunned and after repeatedly asking me to reconsider, eventually disowned me because they felt I was making the wrong decision to go ahead with my pregnancy without him. My friends hated him. I had guy friends who wanted to send him flowers and balloons at work announcing “Its a girl” – to embarrass him. I didn’t let them. I respected his decision. I told him I wouldn’t drag him through parenting with me. He told me he thought I would end up okay because my family had money.
I read every book I could on raising a child while I was pregnant with her. I lived with my best friend who became my birthing partner because I had no one else. I was on food stamps, WIC, and wouldn’t eat some days so that she could.
When she was a baby, there was one evening where I broke down crying and was angry at my boyfriend in the middle of the night while changing and feeding her. When she was two years old and I was starving, I considered taking him to court for support. My now husband said, “You’ve made it this long without him, you might as well keep going.” So, I stood by my agreement and never contacted him.
My daughter wrote my boyfriend a letter when she was 10. She drew him a picture of a fairy. I’ll never forget the letter – it started out, “Hi. My name is Alexis. I’m 10 years old and I have blond hair and blue eyes.” It broke my heart to put it in the mail. It was even worse when he responded saying he would like to meet her, then changed his mind and wanted my husband to adopt her first, so she wasn’t confused about who he was to her.
So we did. We went through the adoption process. And he got the paper notarized and sent back to me in two hours. I’ll never forget realizing how quickly he wanted to be rid of her. And then he fell off the earth and we never heard from him again.
I’ve never spoken poorly of him. I always referred to him as her father, and my husband as her Dad. I feel like everyone makes decisions and they are not good or bad, they just make you feel good or bad.
My daughter just asked for 23andMe(.) com and Ancestry(.)com this past year. If you ask her how she feels about her father, she will tell you she feels he’s a “loser” and a “douchebag”. Her words, not mine.”
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