Do yourself a favor and do not listen to this advice. Here are 5 things you absolutely not do if your boyfriend cheats on you:
1. Take the blame. The article starts out by letting readers know that the reason your partner cheated on you is because YOU are doing something wrong. Yes, you, the victim of betrayal. He didn’t cheat because he has no willpower, or because he’s too selfish to treat you with the respect you deserve – no, he cheated because you did something to make him cheat. Basically, this is your fault, and you need to fix the situation, not him.
Listen, I agree that it usually takes two people to destroy a relationship. It would be unfair to blame a ruined relationship on just one person, because dating is a two-way street and all that. But if your BF cheated, he made that decision. Nothing you did forced him into that situation. Maybe you did things that made him angry or upset, but he is the only one in control of his actions, and he could have handled things in a different, better, way. If he cheats on you, please for the love of God do not blame yourself. If he was that unhappy, he should have communicated with you – not hooked up with another person. He needs to take responsibility for his actions, not you.
2. YOU need to apologize, not him. Again, the author assumes that your boyfriend cheated on you because you’re a terrible, annoying girlfriend who is always criticizing her sensitive man. Ugh, girlfriends. Aren’t we just the worst? The author reminds us that you are the one who needs to change. He encourages you, as the reader, to apologize to your BF for “taking him for granted,” “nagging” him too often, and “complaining” too much. He basically reinforces the stereotype that, as girlfriends or wives, women spend all of their time nagging and being dried up, angry, bitter prunes.
Here’s a thought: maybe that girlfriend is “nagging” and “complaining” because her boyfriend sucks. Because if he cheated, and expects an apology from YOU, he sounds like he kind of sucks. When your BF cheats, he is the only one who should be apologizing. He did something wrong here. He went behind your back and betrayed you. It’s insane to act like a woman can’t speak up about what a guy is doing wrong (or in the words of this author, nagging and complaining), or he’ll cheat on her because she’s being annoying. Again, if this guy was that unhappy, he should have spoken up instead of cheating.
3. Don’t ban him from her. According to the author, if you tell your BF he can’t see or speak to the other woman anymore, he’ll just keep cheating, and it will be your fault. He adds: “Worse still, it’ll mean you start checking on his actions so he feels distrusted – not a good environment for working on your relationship.”
UM if he doesn’t want to feel distrusted, maybe he shouldn’t have CHEATED. Are you kidding me right now? Is this a joke? Someone please tell me this is satire.
4. Let him continue to see her until he realizes he actually wants to be with you. The author says that, as crazy as it sounds, you should let their relationship run it’s course. He says, “His ‘true love’ will be tested for the first time. Slowly real life and day-to-day domesticity will intrude into their fantasy.” Basically he’s saying, “Let him do his thing! Wait it out, you cranky, ungrateful brat. Wait for him to realize he actually wants to be with you! Then everything will be fine!”
So, you’re telling me that if my boyfriend cheats, I should give him as much time as he needs to figure out that I’m actually pretty awesome? And while I wait, I should be completely understanding and sweet? Someone is playing a late April Fool’s joke on me, right? Listen, if your BF cheats and wants to continue to be with that other woman, get the heck out of that relationship. He shouldn’t need to test your relationship in that way to make sure he actually wants to be with you.
5. You should meet her! At first, this advice doesn’t sound too bad. The author explains that speaking to this other woman may make you feel better, because you might have built up a false image of her that is intimidating you. I can kind of understand that. But at the same time, meeting the girl your BF cheated with seems like a (violent) disaster waiting to happen.
And then the author says this: “Remember that everything you say and do will most likely be relayed back to your husband, and don’t do anything – such as becoming aggressive – that could invite retaliation.” So, to put it simply, be really nice to this other woman even though she hooked up with your S.O. because if you’re not, your BF will find out, and you wouldn’t want him thinking you have emotions!
In conclusion – do not do any of these things. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. You do deserve a guy who respects you, and who will take accountability for his actions. What should you do, then? Honestly, my advice would be to dump him and move on. But if you do choose to work on the relationship, know that he’s the one who needs to apologize, who needs to change, and who needs to earn your trust back. Not the other way around. Some of these ideas where gotten online.
So What do you think of this advice? Do you agree that it’s horrible? What would you do if your boyfriend cheated on you?